Good sentences

Sentence 1

• Complex

• Subordinate clause (conditional)

• Parenthetical attribute

So long as they have mastery over themselves, say the Stoics, even slaves may in the deep sense be ‘free’

Sentence 2

• Word selection

• Concise with gerund-participle

Good:

Good writers clearly distinguish what is known from their own motivations and interpretations, and by selecting an appropriate writing style, they effectively convey their purpose and perspective to the reader.”

Excellent:

Effective writers separate established facts from their personal interpretations and motivations, using the appropriate style to communicate their intent to the reader.